


Restroom Romance

by Vladimir_Kalblood_Winthrop



Series: The Cop and The Actor [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Acting, Actor Eren Yeager, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Bathrooms, Blow Jobs, Bottom Eren Yeager, Eventual Smut, Famous Eren, Famous Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Humor, M/M, Playboy Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Police Officer Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), emotionally constipated levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-27
Packaged: 2018-08-07 13:07:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7715965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vladimir_Kalblood_Winthrop/pseuds/Vladimir_Kalblood_Winthrop
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is a happy-go-lucky rising actor who really should have used the bathroom before leaving with his agent for an all-day shoot. But, as everyone knows, Eren is an idiot, so he waited until his bladder was nearly bursting with liquid before casually mentioning that he needed a toilet. But in his defense, how was he supposed to know that one quick trip to the bathroom would change his life forever?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Awkwardly Arousing

**Author's Note:**

> This is a prequel to my fanfic "Fuck." Both pieces can stand on their own, so you don't have to read either if you don't want to. Chronologically this one takes place first but I wrote it second so I'm making it the second in the series. You can read either one first though.

            Of all the things in the world, Eren knew only one thing with absolute certainty: he really needed to pee.

            “Armin, please, pull over anywhere, I don’t care, I just really need a fucking toilet!” Eren begged his best friend/agent from the passenger seat.

            “Eren, you’re already running late for the shoot and this is a very important director. Do you really want to make him angry?”

            “Well I can promise you he’ll be angry if I piss all over him and the set!”

            Armin sighed. “Fine, I’ll just pull into that café.”

            Armin parked the car and the two friends rushed inside to the restrooms. As soon as he reached the urinal, Eren sighed loudly in relief.

            “Thank god!” he said to Armin in the next stall over. “I seriously thought I was about to actually explode from all of that liquid. But it’s totally that director’s fault, so he’d better not be mad about me being late. I mean, look at this diet he has me on!” Eren handed his phone under the stall to Armin before continuing. “Like, I know he needs me to look a certain way for this role but honestly, a completely liquid diet is absolutely ridiculous! I’ve only been on it for three days now and I already think I’m dying. Like, if somebody doesn’t get me a pizza right now, I think I’m gonna lose my shit! Except I can’t, because I haven’t eaten anything solid, so I literally cannot shit!” Eren zipped his pants back up and stepped away from the urinal. He turned to take his phone back from Armin before freezing. His face heated up in embarrassment as he realized that the man in the stall right next to him was not Armin. Instead, a short, pale skinned man with neatly cut ebony hair and piercing grey eyes stood facing him, holding his phone and smirking slightly. Despite his short stature, the man exuded power and strength. His face was sharp and angular and Eren allowed himself a brief moment to trail his eyes appreciatively down the man’s obviously toned body before quickly flipping his eyes back up to meet the man’s stare, blushing. If the man noticed Eren blatantly checking him out, he didn’t react at all, and simply handed Eren’s phone back to him, winked, and then quickly turned on his heels and left.

            “Oops,” Eren muttered to himself before walking outside to meet Armin. He glanced around the café as he went, but the man was nowhere to be seen.

            “What took you so long?! And why is your face so red? Are you getting sick?” Armin demanded as Eren approached, grabbing his wrist to rush him back to the car.

            “I thought you were in the bathroom with me and had a whole conversation with you before I realized it was this random guy! I even gave him my cellphone!”

            “What?!” Armin gasped. “Where is he? Where’s your phone?!”

            “Relax, Armin, it’s fine. He gave me my phone back. Then he just winked and disappeared!”

            “Why would he wink? Were you flirting with him? Eren, you know you can’t just go flirting with random people!”

            “Jesus, calm down, _Mom!_ ” Eren said. “And no, I was not flirting. I was literally just complaining that I can’t shit…” Never mind the fact that entire experience had been… awkwardly arousing.

            “Well just be more careful next time. Now hurry, Shadis is gonna be pissed.”

 

 

 

            “Jaeger!” the aging bald man barked as soon as Eren and Armin entered the studio. “You’re half an hour late! This is the eighth time this past month you’ve been tardy! Where the hell were you?!”

            Eren opened his mouth to respond, but Shadis interrupted with a wave of his hand. “You know what, never mind,” he said. “I don’t think I want to know. Just get ready for scene four.” Eren grinned, and any anger that the director may have been holding onto melted. It was impossible to stay mad at the brat when his smile could rival the sun itself. “Damn kid,” he muttered.

            Eren quickly got changed into a hospital gown and then waited patiently as his crew worked on his makeup. Well, he tried to wait patiently, but after five minutes of prickly makeup brushes constantly attacking his face, he began to feel antsy. This was Eren’s third major role in a film, but he still had difficulty sitting still. The life of a Hollywood actor required a lot more sitting quietly than he had expected when he had first begun auditioning a few years ago!

            Finally, Eren was all prepped and ready to begin shooting.

            “You ready, Eren?” asked a tall brunette woman, her hair pulled messily into a ponytail and her eyes framed by huge glasses.

            “Hanji! I didn’t see you there,” Eren said. Hanji was an E.R. surgeon at a nearby hospital and Shadis had hired her as a professional assistant to help the actors accurately interpret the hospital environment. “How have you been? You haven’t been in in a few weeks.”

            “I know. I’m so sad that I missed the amputation scene!” Hanji pouted. “But it’s been crazy busy at the hospital, and also, that guy I was telling you about just moved into my apartment, so it’s been pretty hectic trying to get him situated as well.”

            “Oh yeah, he’s that cop you know from way back, right?” I asked. “You said his name was… Levi? Isn’t he like filthy rich or something? Why does he have to stay with you?”

            Hanji sighed. “He’s an… interesting fellow. He didn’t want to move into his own place until he had it triple checked for hygiene. Apparently, he decided last minute that it’s ‘not up to his standards’ so he’s staying with me until he can find a more ‘appropriate location.’”

            Eren giggled. “He sounds like a handful.”

            “Honey, you don’t even know the half of it!”

            “Jaeger! Quit slacking off and get out here!” Shadis shouted from his chair on the other side of the set. Eren rolled his eyes, waving to Hanji before making his way toward the director.

            Several hours and four costume changes later, Shadis was finally satisfied with the day’s scenes. Armin had left an hour ago to pick up some headshots of Eren from a few weeks ago, so Eren decided to walk home. He figured he could take the bus, but it was so nice out and ever since his last movie had come out, he had barely had any time to himself. As he walked out of the building, he noticed Hanji talking to someone at the end of the road.

            “Hanji!” he called, jogging down the street to say hello. “Who’s th-” Eren froze. Standing in front of Hanji was none other than the man from the bathroom, this time dressed in a crisp blue police uniform complete with two guns holstered on his hip. He was scowling murderously up at Hanji and turned to face his glare at whoever dared interrupt him. Eren gulped. The man looked absolutely deadly, but his eyes widened slightly when he recognized Eren and his lips curved up in a teasing smirk.

            _Jesus Christ he’s hot_ , Eren thought before he could stop himself.

            “So,” the short man drawled in a surprisingly deep voice. “it’s the brat who pisses too much and doesn’t shit enough.”

            Eren blinked in confusion, trying to understand what this incredibly sexy cop was saying before he remembered their conversation from the bathroom and his face heated up. “I’m-I-it was-I thought,” Eren spluttered, and fortunately (or maybe unfortunately), Hanji interjected.

            “YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER?!” She shrieked.

            The man rolled his eyes. “I met the brat this morning. We had a riveting conversation about basic bodily functions and fluids,” he deadpanned.

            “AND YOU DIDN’T INVITE ME?!”

            “It was all a mistake!” Eren cried. “I was in the bathroom complaining to who I thought was Armin, but apparently it was this guy instead!”

            “Like I said, he’s a brat,” the man said.

            “Hanji, how do you know him?” Eren suddenly asked.

            “Oh, this is the short grumpy police officer I’ve been telling you about!”

            “Wait, _you’re_ Levi!” Eren exclaimed.

            The man shrugged, a bored look on his perfectly chiseled, muscular… whoa slow down there Eren… a bored look on his normal, definitely not mouth watering face. “Guilty as charged.”

            “You know what?” Hanji said. “This is perfect! I told Levi just this morning that he needs to make some friends around town and now he’s already met the cutest, sweetest little Munchkin in the entire city of Hollywood!”

            “What are you-” Eren stared, blushing.

            “It’s settled then. Eren, meet us at Sina tonight at eight!” Before Eren could even open his mouth to respond, Hanji turned on her heals and pranced away, Levi just a step behind.

            _He has a really nice ass too_ , Eren thought appreciatively as he watched the two walk away.


	2. Bathroom Boners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So, long story short, Eren was not very used to polite, classy ways of spending the evening. He wasn’t even completely sure why he had shown up, but if he was being honest with himself, he would admit that some of it definitely had to do with the mysterious, gorgeous cop that would be joining them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the first time I've written smut. I feel... dirty. I hope this doesn't make me a horrible person.

Later that evening, Eren found himself awkwardly lingering near the entrance of Sina. It was much fancier than the bars he and his friends usually went to to get plastered because, despite his rising fame, Eren generally just acted the exact same as he had before people knew who he was. There was one time that Eren and Jean had been hanging out at a sketchy bar that they used to go to before they were legal and one of Eren’s fans had taken a picture of them and posted it on Twitter. Not even fifteen minutes later, the entire run-down building was crawling with squealing teenage girls desperately pushing past each other to get a glimpse of the young, attractive actor. Somehow in the chaos four girls had ended up with broken bones, five girls were in hysterics, the owner of the bar had fled to Mexico and a gay pride rally had begun outside of the building. When Jean and Eren finally made it out of the bar they had been so relieved to escape with their lives and still slightly drunk so they ended up making out the entire cab drive back to Eren’s apartment. When they awoke the next morning they were both very hungover, very naked, and very disgusted. To this day, neither of them know if they actually did the deed that night or if they just stripped and then passed out on top of each other. They had sworn to each other that they would never tell a soul about the activities of that night, but unfortunately, Armin had arrived about an hour later, stomping up the steps and barging angrily into Eren’s apartment wielding a tabloid article with a slightly blurry image of Eren and Jean making out in the cab. 

So, long story short, Eren was not very used to polite, classy ways of spending the evening. He wasn’t even completely sure why he had shown up, but if he was being honest with himself, he would admit that some of it definitely had to do with the mysterious, gorgeous cop that would be joining them.

 

On the other side of town, Levi was pissed. “Fucking Hanji, we have to go!” he growled.

“I’m almost ready!” the eccentric doctor called from the bathroom.

“You said that fifteen minutes ago! The dumb brat’s probably already at Sina!”

“Awww, so you _do_ care about him,” Hanji cooed. 

“I don’t care about anyone,” Levi grumbled.

“Love you too, short-stuff!”

Fortunately, Hanji actually _was_ almost ready, and moments later the two of them were speeding down the road. The bar was only ten minutes away, and as soon as they got out of the car, Levi spotted him. The brat was loitering at the edge of the sidewalk, nervously rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet.

 _Cute_ , Levi thought before cutting himself off. _Since when do I call people cute?_ he mentally berated himself. Still, he had to appreciate the young man’s appearance. Earlier, Eren had been wearing a simple baggy t-shirt and a pair of jeans ( _and even then he looked hot)_ but now he was affirmatively sexy. He wore a pair of sinfully tight, ripped black skinny jeans and a loose black tank top with some sort of animal print on the front. He had a red plaid button up over the tank top but left it unbuttoned and with the collar up. He also had a long necklace hanging above his tank top with a gold key sitting right in the center of his chest. All in all, he looked absolutely delicious.

“Eren!” Hanji called as the two neared him. Eren looked up, startled, before grinning widely at Hanji.

 _Fuck me sideways_ , Levi thought and even after Eren turned to talk to Hanji Levi was still certain that he had been blinded by the brat’s smile. He didn’t have one of those well-rehearsed, forced smiles that a lot of people in Hollywood had. No, when he smiled, his entire body smiled. All of the muscles in his face and back loosened, his eyes crinkled slightly, and the entire area around him seemed to glow with pure, innocent joy. And _damn_ did Levi want to kiss the fucking idiot.

“Hi, Levi,” Eren said shyly, breaking Levi away from his thoughts. Levi smirked as he noticed Eren’s faint blush.

 _It’s gonna be fun messing with this kid_ , he thought. “You clean up nice, brat.”

“I’m not a brat, you know!” Eren said, pouting slightly. “I’m 24 years old.”

“Tch, that’s still four years younger than me, making you a brat,” Levi retorted.

Hanji rolled her eyes. “Come on, let’s head inside.”

The three of them walked inside and Levi immediately made a beeline for his usual spot in the corner of the bar. Eren stayed back for a moment to appreciate the fancy bar. It was dimly lit by miniature chandeliers and although people were bustling about, it wasn’t nearly as jam-packed as Eren was used to. The main counter was made from some sort of polished wood and curved around the front of the bar and the back was full of small tables with booths. Levi was seated at a booth farthest from the entrance and was absentmindedly picking at a fingernail. Now that the man wasn’t right in front of him, Eren took a moment to assess Levi’s outfit. And _damn_ if Eren  thought he’d been sexy before, he didn’t even know how to describe the man now. He wore a simple white tank top but it was almost completely covered by his black leather jacket. The jacket was unzipped, revealing his thick, muscular neck but (unfortunately) the shirt cut off high enough that none of his collar bones were revealed. He wore tight black leather pants as well, and Eren nearly swooned when he bent down to pick up a napkin he had dropped. In fact, he could almost swear that Levi made eye contact with him right after, but it was probably just wishful thinking. Even his belt was sexy with silver metal buckles contrasting with the otherwise black outfit. Levi’s undercut was gelled up slightly, giving his hair a messy, after sex look to it and he wore a subtle shade of red eyeshadow and black eyeliner. 

Slowly, Eren approached the table, willing his thoughts to remain clean so he wouldn’t pop an awkward boner in the middle of the bar. Hanji was off god knows where, so it was just him and Levi. Eren opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to think of something clever to say.

“Relax, kid,” Levi said. “You look constipated.” Eren blinked. Then he chuckled. Then he burst into hysterical laughter, tears leaking from his eyes. Levi’s eyes widened slightly in surprise before his expression evened out again.

“What the fuck is so funny?” he growled.

“It’s just that,” Eren gasped between laughs. “I just told you this morning that I hadn’t shit in days, so in a roundabout way, I _am_ constipated.”

Levi rolled his eyes, but his expression softened slightly. _I like his laugh_ , he decided. “Brat,” he said with the smallest of chuckles.

“Gramps,” Eren countered. Levi raised an eyebrow. “What?” Eren asked. “If I’m so much younger than you than you must be ancient!” He was feeling his nerves begin to slip away as he talked with Levi. For some reason, he felt oddly comfortable talking to the man.

“What did I miss?!” came an obnoxiously loud voice right behind the table. Hanji had returned, bringing with her three glasses of some sort of alcohol that was certainly fancier and more expensive than the garbage he and Jean drank when they went out. She tried sliding into the booth beside Levi but he grimaced, pushing her away and then standing up.

“You sit here,” he said to Hanji, gesturing to where he had been sitting. “I’ll sit on this side so neither of us has to deal with your personal space issues.” Before Eren could interject, Levi was sliding into the booth beside him with a slight smirk.. 

As the evening progressed, Eren found himself feeling more and more comfortable with Levi. So, whether it was because of that, or perhaps the alcohol, Eren began to slowly shift his body closer to Levi’s. At first he would just casually brush up against the other man’s arm, and when Levi didn’t shoot him in the skull, he got a bit more daring. Hanji was rambling on about some parasite she found in one of her patient’s lungs when he decided to go for it and lean against Levi’s side. Immediately, Levi’s entire body stiffened and his face hardened. Eren quickly jerked away, his face heating up in embarrassment.

“I’m going to use the restroom,” he announced suddenly, standing and climbing awkwardly over Levi to escape. _Did I misread the situation?_ he thought once he was safely distanced from Levi. He leaned against the bathroom sink, cupping his face in his hands. _He’s probably just a flirty guy in general. Why would he be interested in a dumb_ brat _like me anyways?_

Eren jumped in shock as the bathroom door flew open. Levi marched in, his expression dark and slammed the door shut before locking it so nobody else could interrupt.

 _Oh my god, he’s going to kill me!_ Eren thought in terror. “I’m sorry!” he cried. “I didn’t mean to-!”

Eren was cut off by Levi grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, pushing him against the locked bathroom door and pulling Eren down, crashing their lips together in a ferocious, messy kiss. Eren gasped as his fear dissolved and was replaced by feral lust. He growled, biting the bottom of Levi’s lip and the shorter man let out the sexiest moan Eren had herd in his entire life before opening his mouth. Eren slipped his tongue into Levi’s and Levi sucked it, _hard_ , making Eren wonder what it would feel like if he sucked another part of him. As if on cue, Eren felt his cock begin to harden. Levi smirked into the kiss, obviously feeling it as well, and rolled his hips in a slow circle against Eren’s jeans, making him hiss with pleasure. 

Eren broke off the kiss, leaning his head back against the door as he panted, “Not enough.”

Levi paused, looking up at Eren with his eyes blown completely black. “Hm?” he teased, his voice rough. He ground against Eren’s jeans again, still just as slowly. “You don’t like this?”

“Fuck, Levi,” Eren gasped. “It’s good but- _ah!_ ” Levi latched his teeth onto Eren’s neck and bit down.

“But what, Eren?” Levi asked innocently before licking the skin on Eren’s neck that he had just bruised.

“I want you to fuck me!” Eren moaned, but Levi shook his head.

“I’m not gonna fuck you in this filthy ass bathroom,” he said. Eren whined, so Levi bit him again, this time harder. “Brat,” he snarled. “I suppose I could do this instead.” Before Eren could even comprehend what was going on, Levi was on his knees, yanking Eren’s jeans down to his knees before burying his face in the front of Eren’s boxers. Eren let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes as he felt Levi begin licking at the bulge in his underwear. 

Levi hooked his hands below the waistline before glancing back up at Eren. He hadn’t planned on getting so carried away but how the hell was he supposed to keep his hands to himself with the dumb brat getting flirtier and flirtier as the night progressed? Still, he didn’t want to take advantage of the idiot.

“You’re not drunk, are you?” he asked after a moment of silence. Eren opened his eyes and glared down at Levi, cheeks pink, mouth parted as he panted softly, and fuck if that was not the sexiest thing Levi had ever seen.

“I only had a few drinks! No I’m not drunk. Now suck me off,” Eren ordered. Levi felt his cock twitch in his pants at Eren’s tone. Nobody ever tried to dominate him in the bedroom before, and he wanted to be angry and put Eren in his place, but right now he was way too turned on, so he simply nodded and yanked Eren’s boxers down, freeing the younger man’s dripping erection. He groaned softly at the site of it and placed a soft kiss on the head. Even shivered and his eyes flew shut as Levi took his entire length into his mouth all at once. His fingers found their way into Levi’s silky bangs and he pulled, not quite hard enough to hurt but still enough for Levi to get the message. He began bobbing his head up and down along Eren’s cock with vigor and Eren’s mind became a jumbled mess.

“Fuck-I-Levi!” he cried as the shorter man continued to pick up his pace. He couldn’t speak anymore. The only sounds filling the bathroom were the lewd slaps and slurps and Eren’s pants, steadily rising in pitch until, with a high pitched groan, his hips shuddered and he released into Levi’s mouth. Even slid down to the floor, bonelessly leaning his head against the bathroom door as Levi licked him completely clean. 

“Shit,” Eren sighed. “That was fucking incredible.” Levi chuckled darkly and Eren opened his eyes. He reached down to pull his pants back up and as he did, he noticed the impressive bulge in Levi’s own jeans. 

“Want me to return the favor?” Eren asked, playfully eying Levi’s arousal, but Levi shook his head.

“I have other plans,” he said simply before standing. He reached a hand out to help Eren up, and Eren’s heart quickened slightly at the gesture. “Stay here. I’ll be right back.” Levi didn’t give Eren a chance to question him before unlocking the door and sliding out of the bathroom back into the bar. He found Hanji at the booth checking something on her phone while absentmindedly sipping her drink. “Oi, four eyes.”

Hanji looked up and grinned. “Everything okay?” she asked.

“Yeah, but the fucking idiot managed to get himself wasted as fuck. He’s in the bathroom puking his goddamn guts out and I don’t trust him not to drown himself in the fucking toilet. I’m gonna take him home before he gets somebody killed.”

“Hm, if you say so,” Hanji said, her eyes twinkling mischievously. Levi turned to go, but as he was rounding the corner to return to the bathroom, Hanji called after him, “Use protection!” Levi rolled his eyes but didn’t bother turning as he continued towards the fucking brat he’d just blown in the fucking bathroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I totally based Eren's and Levi's outfits off of G-Dragon outfits... Don't judge me!!
> 
> http://images6.fanpop.com/image/photos/33200000/G-DRAGON-g-dragon-33244012-768-977.jpg  
> http://imgur.com/p9VTZDI

**Author's Note:**

> How do you like it? It's written in a different style than the original so sorry if that put anyone off… Feel free to leave suggestions in the comments! :)


End file.
